Ever feel really envious of someone who seems so content and happy with who they are and where their life is at? Or maybe you’ve never even met a person like this because that very idea sounds so foreign? The reason we find that contentment so elusive or unbelievable is that we all have “inside information”. We all have what I like to call an “inner critic”, and it likes to poke its nosy head into our happy place.
Ever accomplish something you’re really proud of, then immediately compare yourself to someone who did it better or has more than you? That’s that inner critic I’m talking about! It has a funny way of coming into our heads and putting a negative spin on things.
Why am I telling you all this?
Because there is a better way. There IS a way to create a deep connection with yourself. A connection that exudes happiness and contentment like I described above.
Cultivating a deep and fulfilling connection with yourself happens from the inside out. The result is happiness and contentment, but that’s not the pursuit.
As ladies, we struggle with two key things that keep us further and further away from a fulfilling connection with ourselves- differentiation and self-compassion.
What does it sound like when your friend or partner asks you where you want to go for dinner? “I don’t know, where do you want to go?” or “I don’t care, you choose.”
You don’t know? You don’t care? I don’t buy it! We ladies are too smart not to know what we want to eat! However, we have this crazy accommodation gene that gets in that way of us actually saying we want Sushi from Haruki!
Although scientists haven’t actually identified this gene (yet), it is definitely being “expressed” by ladies all over the world! And while these ladies making accommodations have positive intentions, their accommodations limit their own connection with themselves. You become more in tune with other people’s wants and needs, putting yours in second place.
Ladies, this is ultimately as self-worth issue. Your preferences and desires are important. That’s why your friend asked what you wanted to eat in the first place! But we often don’t blurt out what we want because we want to be liked and accepted.
Becoming more differentiated in all of your relationships is essential to a deep and fulfilling connection to yourself. Feeling secure enough to state your preferences is a sign of healthy self-importance and helps people know you as a person. And feeling confident in sharing who you are is the very thing that differentiates you from the next person.
So differentiate yourself by listening to who you are, what you want, and making it known. My lady friends are the most compassionate and caring people I know. But I can’t figure out why it’s so hard for us ladies to have compassion for ourselves?
We have so much empathy and acceptance for others that it doesn’t leave much room for ourselves. Therefore, we save these less-compassionate messages for ourselves: “you’re not good enough/smart enough/pretty enough”, “everyone knows you’re a fraud”, and “you’re going to fail.” OUCH those hurt!
Have your ever tried to have a relationship with someone you felt that way about? How did it go? Do you see why it’s so hard to have a good relationship and fulfilling connection with yourself? Exactly!
If we treat and speak more nicely to our friends and acquaintances than we do ourselves, what does that say about our own value? And if we’re constantly bullying ourselves with these messages, how do you expect your true and beautiful soul to open up to you? Speak kindly to yourself and practice self-acceptance to let your soul open up to you. It needs a safe place to land.
Deep connection to ourselves can only come with the differentiation and self-compassion for who you really are. Know it and love it. You deserve it, lady.
Brittany Drozd helps success-oriented individuals by offering them strategies, tools, and support to stop living for everyone else so they can live the life they really want with greater clarity, direction and fulfillment. Visit http://www.brittanydrozd.com for info on how to work with Brittany.