I’ve debated on sharing this for awhile now. Half of me says it is no one's business. The other half says to tell people because silence kills. It killed my spirit. It killed my self-esteem. I’ve held shame over what happened. I replayed it in my head trying to think of ways I could have prevented it. Trying to figure out where I went wrong. Forgetting that it wasn’t my fault that it happened. That I shouldn’t be ashamed that I was in an abusive relationship. I think part of the shame revolved around friends not believing I was in one. It made me realize that I needed to reevaluate my friendships as well. That made me question myself even more. How did I manage to have this kind of people in my life? What was it about me that attracted them? And the shame spiral continued.
You can get out of it. I did. It takes time to realize that it is not your fault. That you didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes a thought can pop in my head or someone can make a comment that wants to drag me back down that shame spiral but I can stop it now. It’s taken years. But I am there now.
I want to thank the writers for sharing their stories this month. Even for those who are still on their path to shamelessness, they already are there for being brave enough to share a little bit of themselves with all of you.